comic book quickies 25/8/11

Gotta love the filler !

Teen Titans #100

written by JT Krul art by Nicola Scott

Its the EXPLOSIVE #100 issue ! The fight between super boy primes psycho rangers and the titans continues. Well the mecha from last issue dident really get much panel time so that was a bit of a downer. It was a real fun issue though and im sad to see this run cut short buy the upcoming reboot. Still it had some odd stuff in it like the titans were happy to kill the super boy clones with a shard of kryptonite to the hart but they wouldn't do the same to super boy prime ? Oh and cos its #100 we get some posters of the titans at the back probably to pad out the $4.99 cost damn DC, I thought you drew the line !

Brightest day aftermath : the search for swamp thing #3

written by Jonathan Vankin art by Marco Castiello

Swamp thing is found ! Nothing really happens and nothing is resolved the characters say as much . Yay ! Reboot. But you got to see John Constantine in the DC universe and that was worth it right ? Right ? It was kind of enjoyable filler though nothing grate its just weird that nothing this comic set up was resolved , yeah it probably will in swamp things new book but still its like nothing happened In theses 3 issues.

Emerald Warriors#13

written by Peter J. Tomasi art by Ron Frenz

Guy Gardener and batman team up to fight crime IN SPACE ! Well if this is the last emerald warriors that it was a damn awesome way to go and I wish more the issues were like this. It had lasers, bat-rockets and evil A.I ! sadly batman dident get a GL ring and go all bat god on the universe but it was still loads of fun.

FF#8

written by Jonathan Hickman art Steve Epting

Well it looks like this books back on track after two issues of inhuman filler. I'm sure a lot of plot relevant stuff happened this issue but I was distracted by the MASSIVE BADASSERY of Doctor Doom . Dude lifts up a chunk of the ground that had a giant tank gun thing on top of it and then pimp slaps a alternate universe Reed Richards in the face. BADASS

Batman Incorporated #8

written by Grant Morrison art by Scott Clark

BATMAN IN THE INTERNET ITS TRON BATMAN !!!!!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS ! Batman incorporated has been amazing its not had a bad issue, well maybe those two in the Falklands were a bit fuzzy but they wern't bad . Its weird that its not going to be part of the new 52 maybe it just dident fit with the hoal jump on point thing there going for ? Anyway this issue was sweet batman and oracle fight zombies in internet 3.0 and there's a leet speaking dog . Yeah.

Review: Signalex Clip On Earphones

Here's a review of Poundland's earphones:

Ear rape. Tinny and ill fitting. Utter shite.

comic book quickies 18/8/11

 

even more mad hat filler !

Avengers #16

written by Brain Michael Bendis art John Romita jr.

Well there are two story's in this book , one is incredibly painful and the other makes no sense what so ever. The first part is the avengers reality tv show ware they all sit down and talk about how awesome they are. Which is just AGHGGHHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHF! Its just horrible everyone's so annoying and they keep talking in the pasts tenses so its undermining the fear itself event. And the worst part is its been like this for months ! It wouldn't be so bad but the other part of the story makes no god damn sense. Captain America is all emo cos buckys dead again so sets off on a secret mission to find his killer sin the red skulls daughter who now has a hammer so she's all overpowered and what nought. I have no idea when this is ment to be taking place , sins being attacking the USA with Nazi mehca I don't think shed be that hard to find. And she isn't as cap fights her in the main fear its self book. so this was pretty pointless .

Venom #6

written by Rick Remender art by Tom Fowler

Three reasons I got this comic 1. there wasent that much out for me this week 2. its a spider island tie in and 3. the cover is bloody awesome , its all flash venom getting swarmed by another symbiote in spider man's red and blue suit. Now I haven't been picking this series up since issue one, I was looking forward the flash venom and to some secret agent/90s anti hero action but I hoped they'd leave it a while before he started venoming out and eating people. This issue was pretty cool tho flash venom fights a monstrous grey spider man thing that im going to call tarantula. Flash venom wins and they take tarantula back to base. But SHOCK tarantula brakes out and spreads the spider plague about and flash venoms teams all scared to get it despite it giving you super powers. yeah weird. Then there's dog venom. and that's just awesome

Ghost rider fear itself #2

written by Rob Williams art by Matthew Clark

Johnny blazes has given up the ghost rider and now its some woman. Didn't think I was going to like this one, I get that johnny would want rid the of the spirit of vengeances but I didn't think he actually would. yeah he's selfish and a idiot but he's also kind of a hero. So when he did get rid of it I was kinda meh about it. However they have made it fun by making everyone point out how selfish and dumb it was to get rid of the ghost rider and to have some ell's carry his burden . Then the unpowered blazes punches the devil in the face. So yeah this was indeed fun. This comic also has a preview for a comic version of the tv show castle, which was weird as I didn't notices it was an add and thought I was reading a B side ghost rider story ware nothing happened . Ahh good times.

comic book quickies 11/8/11

More mad hat filler !

Teen Titans #99

written by JT Krul art by Jose Luis

Clones are awesome ! Yeah this was way cools , super boy primes team of psycho rangers fight the the titans one on, one as you do. The highlight being beast boy fighting beast wars megatron as the the mighty oozaru. And there's like 3 other super boy clones and there dressed like super boy from other earth's, yeah . AND THEN ONE OF THE PSYCHO RANGERS BUILDS A MEHCA !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO !!!

then loads of other teen titans turn up cos next issue is #100

War of the green lanterns aftermath #2

written by Tony Bedard art by Ransom Getty and Andy Smith

This was filler but there were bits of fun here and there. Nothing really happens but its nice to see that the guardians are at least trying to do something

Batman Beyond #8

written by Adam Beechen art by Chris Batista

This issue was about the back story of Inque the venomy looking woman as it trys to make her a sympathetic character. But I don't really care and it all just feels forced. I get what the writer was trying to do but it just feels unnecessary. Inques a bad guy thats all she needs to be.

Fear Itself #5

written by Matt Fraction art by Stuart Immonen

Ill keep saying it , the main fear itself book has been much more awesome than the main flashpoint book . Sure flashpoint is the more important book and its the one that will have the bigger impact BUT it is slightly dull and nothing much happened the the first two issues. Fear itself on the other hand has been action packed from issue one focusing more ACTUAL fights. Gotta love Thor in this series dudes mental , he killed the Thor thing. He gets better but still.

Batman and robin #26

written by David Hine art by Greg Tocchini and Adrei Bressan

FUCK THIS SHIT. I did not like this comic. I'm sure its well written its just not for me.

It has Risen.

Why yes, we DO do reviews on this site

You might have not noticed any reviews from me in a while. This is due in part to my wild sex parties with international diplomats on the ISS, but mostly it’s because I’m not very good at completing games. This is mainly due to the fact that I get very near the end, and then suddenly I’m in the mood for a completely different genre. This makes reviewing games pretty difficult, since you are kinda meant to complete them first, or if you prefer “view”. That, and I tend to play games that are have been out for more than a year, so there’s not much point reviewing it unless I have an angle. So I haven’t been.

And indeed, I’m not going to. Today, I want to talk about genres.

I have roughly 323 games at the moment, and I’ve completed about 80 of them. To help with this, I compiled a spreadsheet to organise them, the idea being that when I fancy a change of genre, I know exactly what games fit that. While making this list, I noticed one fairly obvious thing: The genre system doesn’t work.

The video game genres have been around since at least the NES, when games were simple, and plot was the least of anyone’s worries. However, as games have evolved, the genres have not. I think the last new genre that people regularly use was first-person shooter, which I hear is all the rage these days. But even that’s not very useful. Halo is a game played from a first-person perspective, wherein one shoots at things. Clearly, the system works, no?

Consider Gears of War and Metroid Prime. Two very different games, and neither quite fits the FPS genre. In Metroid, the game is played from a first-person perspective, and you DO shoot at things, but the emphasis is far more on exploration than warfare or murder. Hell, you can get quite far without firing a shot (well, except for doors obviously). This game does not feel like Halo to me. Gears on the other hand, feels very much like Halo. You are a marine of some sort, shooting at aliens. The only major difference is the perspective and the presence of chest-high walls behind which to cower. So should Gears get its own genre, such as “Third-person cover based shooter”?

Well, no is the answer to that. That’s not so much a type of game as a description of a type. But there is one thing that all three games have in common; they’re all Sci-Fi. But simply using the prose and film genre’s doesn’t give any indication of gameplay. Sci-fi covers Metroid, Halo, Portal, Fallout, Mass Effect, every single Star Wars game, opoona, Xenosaga, and even Super Mario Galaxy. So what do we do?

Part of the problem with making new genres is that there usually aren’t enough examples outside of one series, hence why there is a genre based entirely around two series (Metroidvania, and if you need that one explained to you, you need to spend less time in the healthy sunshine).

Of course, Erasmus Lucinda Fandango did not make his name backing down from challenges. Allow me to sort it out once and for all. Behold! The Genres of tomorrow...Today!

Whimsies

Games with very “cute” characters, bright colours and an all around wholesome feel, like Littlbig Planet or Super Mario Galaxy, or Bubsy 3D.

Spooky-Go-Boos!

Games which either try to create an atmosphere of tension and dread, or just throw in a jump scare and dripping blood every now and then. Examples include Alone in the Dark, the New Nightmare (exactly WHICH I leave up to you), Resident Evil, The Chzo Mythos, or Bubsy 3D

Geimu-Chan

Games with Japanese People in them. The kind where you know that even before it’s released there will be a “healthy” supply of yaoi fan art of the protagonist and a main villain bonking. Examples Include any Final Fantasy, any Pokémon Game, Any Kingdom Hearts, Any Persona Game, Any visual novel, or Bubsy 3D.

I should point out here that I like all of those games (except the one which evokes a sense of tension and dread), and have nothing against the Japanese People, except Yaoi Fangirls. They’re on par with fans of Twilight and Glee.

The Final Legend of Super Fire Metroidvaniamon Country Man’s Adventure and Knuckles Wars

Nostalgia bait. A sequel made for the sake of making a sequel, rather than to further the plot or improve gameplay, possibly with no thought given to whether or not the game ought to be made in this new way, and usually with massive backlash. Not always a bad thing. The examples will be. Metroid: Other M, Castlevania Judgement, Final Fantasy XIV, Link: The Faces of Evil, Hotel Mario, or Bubsy 3D

Baubles and Gee-gaws

Hidden object games. Games based on films. Minigame compilations that can easily be found much better online. Any Wii-game where you have to waggle the remote in a way which does not in the least correspond to the action being performed. In short, idiot bait. Examples are Just Dance, The Simpons Game, Shutter Island, Carnival Games, or Bubsy 3D

Seriousnessness

Games where realism takes precedent over, you know, fun. Examples include Flight sims, Endless Ocean, Driving games without an item button, My Fireplace, Microsoft Excel, or My Cozy Fireplace.

Ah, Now I remember why I’m not allowed to run for government.

Review: Justice League and Subway

Over the last couple of months or so, when buying your favourite DC comic titles you may have been excited when you picked up a book off the shelf and discovered it was slightly bigger than normal. Unfortunately, this is not extra pages devoted to the actual story, it is instead an ADVERSTORY (I just made that up, can you tell?) involving the Justice League and a bunch of famous athletes who I've never heard of because I'm not American teaming up with the Justice League in order to fight villains. Unsurprisingly, these are generally pretty bizarre. Generally they follow the same basic structure:

1)Bunch of athletes are chilling and shit and decide they need amazing Subway(R) food.
2)Villains appear.
3)The Justice League show up.
4)They team up and defeat the enemies.
5)Mention once again how awesome Subway(R) sandwiches are.

Now, let's go over the four issues of this masterful and ground breaking epic individually.

Issue 1

Some Hand Egg players are chillin by a beach, and man are they hungry in the hot Hawaiian sun. But what to buy? Thankfully, this decision isn't hard, and the team soon decide on ENERGISING and delicious Subway(R) sandwiches. Unfortunately, their lunch is interrupted as they tell us about the virtues of Avocado (It's a super food!), Aquaman is washed up on the beach! This seems out of character for the King of Atlantis. It turns out the evil Black Manta and Oceanmaster were trying to kidnap the poor man. :(

Thankfully, just in the nick of time Green Lantern shows up and scoops the villains of out of the ocean and puts them into a massive bucket full of water, while the hand egg players beat the fuck out of dudes. Sadly, Black Manta has decided to fuck this shit and is running away WITH THE SUBWAY(R) SANDWICHES! HOW TERRIBLE!. Just in the nick of time, the rest of the Justice League show up and save the day! The hand egg players muse that if they hadn't had the Subway(R) sandwiches, they wouldn't have had the energy to fight! Thank heavens!

But what of our intrepid hero Aquaman? What happened to him? Is he OK? I sure hope so!

*Spits out coffee*

AQUAMAN.  FUCKING AQUAMAN, THE DEFENDER OF THE EARTH'S OCEANS, HAS LEARNED NOT TO SWIM ALONE.

And then the Handegg players eat their subs, and talk about how good Subway(R) is. The end.

Issue 2


Sadly, none of the other issues lived up to the promise displayed in episode 1, but we shall persevere.

Issue 2 opens with a Basketball player ordering an awesome sub with Avocado in (noticing a theme yet?), but oh no! Buying this delicious food has made him late for his dunk show! No worries though, Mr Nascar racer shows up and offers to give him a ride, but on their way they come across the Justice League in mid fight with Grodd and his army of primates. Despite being late for some Basketball guff, they decide to help the Justice League. Grodd tries to control their minds, but because they ate at Subway(R), they aren't tired and can withstand the pure mental torture. Avocados must be fucking amazing.

Mr Basketball player then throws a ball in Grodd's face, removing his powers through sheer epic force, meaning the rest of the Gorilla's are no longer under his control. But oh no! Basketball-man is late for his dunking thing! Hal has an idea though! He quickly makes a replica Nascarmobile (Complete with all branding, including Subway(R) and moves the car to get there on time! Basketball dude even wins! What a great day! He even has some of his sandwich left!

Issue 3


Amazingly, issue 3 actually contains one athlete I've actually heard of! The greatest Olympian of all time, Michael Phelps! He's with his buddies Gymnastic Chick and Mr Ice Skater in the Gotham City Athletic Training facility, well, training. Some dude turns up with their Subway(R) lunch , and they marvel at the Turkey, Bacon and Avocado sub for a panel. Then Mike tucks into his Meatball Marinara. If I was his trainer I would be worried, those fuckers are unhealthy. Oddly, everything seems to be going OK, are they actually going to get lunch in peace?

No.

Fucking Batman suddenly comes flying through the wall, closely followed by Mr.Freeze and Solomon Grundy. Batman sprays tear gas or some shit and Solomon, and he goes mental and throws him away.  Thankfully, our good hero Green Lantern shows up randomly and saves him in a baseball glove.

But oh no! There's a child in the pool! Why he's inside the pool of an Olympic Training facility with no supervision, I have no idea, but he needs saved damnit! Michael Phelps dives in and saves the little dude,  while the Ice Skater skates about on ice frozen by Mr Freeze, cutting comedy holes so Solomon Grundy can fall through. But who will defeat freeze? Answer: The Gymnast Chick of course! She does some acrobatics and hits him, but it's not quite powerful enough! SHE MUST NOT HAVE EATEN HER SUB! Thankfully, Batman and Hal must have, and they beat the fuck out of him.

After this, they reconvene to talk about Subway(R) products. Despite my earlier assumptions, it seems Batman hadn't eaten a sub, since he enquires how to get the sheer avocado power. Then Phelps eats his THIRD sub. I sincerely hope he's having ham this time, or his London 2012 shall be a failure. Mark my words.

Issue 4


Sadly, we've reached the last issue. Thankfully, they don't go out without an appearance from everyone's favourite fat fuck turned thin Subway(R) corporate shill, Jared Fogle! He's hanging out with some sporting chick I guess, I don't care anymore. Walking down the street to go buy some sandwiches, they see some commotion in a building site and Green Lantern's light. It turns out he's fighting the Manhunter, and apparently not doing so well. He gets thrown up into some girders which fall and almost hit some dude, until Jared saves the day. Seemingly despite not having eaten Subway that day, he still has the Avocado powers. My hypothesis is that he eats Subway(R) so much, he's been permanently imbued with the powers.

After saving the dude, he's about to be attacked by  Manhunter, but the chick (Who apparently is a boxer) punches him with her bare hands and fails. But it's OK! Green Lantern provides some light based boxing gloves, which helps in knocking the dude out. To finish things off, FUCKING JARED has found a cement mixer, and covers him in cement. The rest of the Justice League show up late (they must have been at Subway(R) and finish off the job, Flash by running fast to avoid Manhunter escaping,  Wonder Woman by tying him up and Supes to dry that cement.

And with all the evil enemies of the DCU defeated, Jared and Boxer decide to finally make that trip to Subway(R). An obligatory Avocado reference is made, and all is well in the world. Sadly it seems Jared(R) isn't paid well by his corporate overlords, as he only has $5 on him. This upbeat tale of of healthy eating and overcoming evil ends on a sad tinge of the human tragedy of the recession. Good work DC and Subway(R) restaurants.

So yeah, these comics are fucking terrible, but at least when you buy a comic you get six extra pages for your $2.99 or $3.99, so I got enjoyment that way.

comic book quickies 4/8/11

Flashpoint #4

written by Geoff Johns art by Andy Kubert

The flash puts a team together to stop wonder woman and aquaman. Didn't really dig the first two issues of this event but the last two have been pretty fun , not much has actually happened but the banter has been better.

Usagi Yojimbo #139

written and art by Stan Sakai

It's a Agatha Christie murder mystery WITH SAMURAI !

Flashpoint Batman Knight of Vengeance #3

written by Brian Azzarello art by Eduardo Risso

This mini was awesome and probably my favourite flashpoint tie in. Martha Wayne IS flashpoint joker. Then she dies. Spoilers.

Flashpoint Deathstroke the curse of the ravager #3

written by Jimmy Palmiotti art by Tony Shasteen and Alex Massacci

Deathstroke's teams all dead. This was ok, it Didn't really live up to the last two issues but it was nice to see it had a happy ending. Sept for all those that died.