The Mad and Hat Pirates Year in Review Awards Review Part Deux: The Squeakqueling

Proudly presented by Jim’ll Fix it and Romney/Ryan 2012

*NB Some categories have been replaced. A surprising amount have not.

Best puzzle platformer involving Blocks and Pulling

Fallblox

Best Use of Stan Lee

Rupert Murdoch (The Leveson Inquiry)

Most Awesome Dunban

Dagran (The Last Story)

Least Awesome Dunban

Vaan. Bloody Fucking Vaan.

Most disappointing Villain Accent

Jim Moriarty (Not quite so mentally mental as at the end of series 1)

Most Obvious Villain

6-way tie: Therius(The Last Story), Jirall(The Last Story), Count Earl Arganan(The Last Story), The Drizz’t Twins(The Last Story), Zangurak(The Last Story).

Least Obvious Villain

Dagran(The Last Story)

Best Game Set in 2012

Persona 4

Most Understated Psychic Powers

Dark Phoeniclops

Best Comic to base a Barbie on.

Sword and Sorcery (Amethyst. Seriously, Feminism would be much further along if little girls used lines like “Some grandfather of mine must have been careless where he spilled his seed” while playing with Barbies like I used to.)

Greatest thing Ever

Kingdom Hearts DDD: Riding FUCKING MONSTRO in a boss fight (#fuckyeahimonawhale)

Dirtiest Sounding Name

Pandora’s Tower

Most Shades of Grey

Deus Ex: Human Revolution

Most What the fuck is going on with Cyclops right now?

Seriously. How come he’s so damn evil these days? He’s the one who didn’t want to get with Jean because he was so paranoid about a premature discharge from his deadly eyebeams. Now he’s a fucking rogue state. Is he planning on changing his name to Kim Il Summers? Or is he going to go full Magneto and only answer to Cyclops? Also, bear in mind that he fell in love with the Phoenix, and not really Jean (there was a whole thing when she came back about it, and how she couldn’t live up to that) so now that he’s been the phoenix...Also, you know how Scarlet Witch had to use up the phoenix force (which Galactus described as “all the worlds yet to be born”) to restore mutants? I mean, it’s not like she can just wave a magic wand and say “More Mutants” and everything’s sorted...except that’s EXACTLY how they got into this mess in the first place.

David Bowie Spotting

Zigzagoon, Balthier, Emperor Mateus, Miles Edgeworth, Liquid Snake, Louis Cyphre, Lucifer, Lucifel, Helel, Louisa Ferre, Demyx.

It's your turn Now.

People of Europe, rejoice! It seems that the Wii is FINALLY going to get some decent RPGs.

Xenoblade is being localised, and The Last Story is set to follow suit. In Europe.

I bear no ill will towards the peoples of North America, especially Canada, but this announcement delights me. Now the rubber band is on the other claw.

I have been waiting for Grandia Xtreme for TEN. FUCKING. YEARS. And Grandia 3 almost as long. Chrono Trigger got released for the first time on the DS. The Xenosaga trilogy consisted of Xenosaga 2, with a DVD of the cutscenes of the first one. Shin Megami Tensei: Strange Journey. 9 hours 9 persons 9 doors. And that’s not to speak of the delays. I had to buy Pokémon Pearl, Crisis Core and Final Fantasy IV DS on import, simply because of the wait between release dates. Hell, the only reason I didn’t get Dragon Quest VI months ago was because the US title is nothing like as cool as “Realms of Reverie”.

But there has been a few changes of late. Doctor Who became immensely popular, and the Colonies had to wait. Final Fantasy Tactics: War of the Lions was released a full DAY earlier here. Another Code: Journey into Lost memories only got a Japanese and European Release. Specter was better in our Ape Escape. And now, Nintendo is dangling the most sought after JRPGs of the time on OUR side of the Atlantic. Now, it might all come to nothing, maybe the US will get these games, maybe nobody will. But that doesn’t matter to me. The fact that, for now, I’m getting good RPGs on the only major console I own, and the NTSC region isn’t, is almost enough to make up for the loss of two whole Grandias.

George III must be laughing dementedly in his grave. But then, he would. He’s mad.